That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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