First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
