I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
