Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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