i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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