Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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