I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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