no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
