i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
