I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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