I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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