hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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