Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
