fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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