You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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