i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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