and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
