I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
