I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
