FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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