I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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