actually, I'm a sock model
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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