Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out