She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
