Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
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That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.