There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.