I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.