So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dating After Heartbreak
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.