I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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