U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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