i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
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The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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