Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
