Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
did i just pee glitter
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
