uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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