I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
