Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
