Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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