I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
