did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
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If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize