Welp...herpes.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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