your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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