He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
