My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
