we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
