I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
