Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
