you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
