Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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