I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
