I skipped work to stalk him.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
