Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
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So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
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Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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