What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
