Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
