Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
