Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
