How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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