I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
