I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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