why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
oh god was she eating orange peels again
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
