No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
