And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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