My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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