Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
