I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
