boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
