if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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