he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.