I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.