I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot