Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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