I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
